http://meludee.multiply.com/journal/item/31/Through_the_Door
I wonder. Where is she? Where is this girl?
Between the "Then" and the "Now", life happened. I had an arsenal of excuses, wrapped in pretty boxes labelled "Dreams", "Wants" and "Agendas". Simply put, "Me" came first and I pushed "Him" to the backseat.
And now, I hardly even say hello. Or tell Him how my day was. Because the road I chose has taken me so off tangent that I hardly recognize His face. And I miss Him but I'm too scared to say so and too weak to change.
It's easy to talk of salvation when your record is spotless. But when you're down there in the mud, slugging it out on your own, doing your best and miserably failing, salvation seems like a wisp of a dream.
Grace. Today I am learning grace. It's a difficult gift to accept, a hard lesson to learn.
And yet, I hear Him calling to me. Even when I've given up on myself, even when I drown out His voice with the sounds of my everyday life.
That He calls me by name still, this is grace
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