Rage of the Doormat

For the record, I'm not happy with the way things are. I'm just too much of a doormat to stand up for what I feel are my rights as a person. I'm too non-confrontational. And it takes too much effort to fight.

But I am getting tired of this pattern. Even a doormat has it's limits. And I'm very nearly there.

I don't want to be angry. But that's what I am right now. Angry. Seething. Boiling. I can feel my rage building up inside. So I take deep breaths and try not to hyperventilate or do something stupid and destructive which I will later on regret. 

I suppose I brought this to myself. I've never been  quite clear regarding what I want. I'm too nice and too easily manipulated. And I hate myself for being weak. 

I'm just too freakin tired of being this angry almost every single day. Only my inability to hold a grudge keeps me hoping for things to be better tomorrow.

I'm tired. And disgusted with myself. They always say it's the quiet ones who are scary in their anger. If this keeps on, I'll probably explode. Spectacularly.