Where's My Joy

"Canarinha, where's my joy?"

One of my most favorite person in the whole world used to always ask me that. She'd smile this big, sunshiny smile and I'd smile back, erasing this tiny frown which has a found a home between my eyebrows.

I am actually not a gloomy person by nature. (surprise, surprise!). Although once a friend described me as having this tiny thundercloud complete with rain and flashes of lightning, above my head. The same friend also told me that when the time comes that he sees me smiling first thing in the morning, he'll take it as a sure sign that the world is nearly coming to an end.

Another friend was more straightforward. "Why are you always frowning?" he asked me bluntly one day.

It kind of surprised me. The thing is, I am seldom quite aware of this tiny frown i'm always wearing. It's like I've grown so used to it that I don't see it anymore. I wonder if I've always been like this. I wonder if there ever was a time when somebody saw me as a sunshiny creature. Hmmmm. Not likely. I seriously doubt it.

A while ago, as I took temperatures and counted heartbeats and breaths , I started pondering about one of life's most asked question: how can I end up living happily ever after? After that, I saw this father looking through the nursery's glass window at his baby. He had such a tender expression on his face and I thought to myself, "That is love. That is joy." And as I watched, I felt joy in my heart too.

"Where's my joy?" The thing is, joy is everywhere. It's both outside and inside. It's in heaven and it's on earth. Sometimes, you just have to take a good look at what has always been right there in front of your face and inside your heart all along.